So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
