she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Bring me that man meat
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
