I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
they need to just BURY HIM!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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