It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
