after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
