Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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