Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
