chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
