I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
