My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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