You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
please don't ironically join a cult
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