I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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