then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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