I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm both gender and math confused
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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