I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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