there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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