So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize