Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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