Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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