I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
