is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
