is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
