Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
