Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
