I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
