In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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