she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
