So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
