We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
