You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
