If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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