I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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