Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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