I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
