You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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