considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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