I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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