i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i believe in u and ur pee
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
