Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
