highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
