You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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