She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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