I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
