Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
