and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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