this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
