sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
