And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
