....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You can't just leave with hair like that
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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