If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
