I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
