I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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