she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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