you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
