I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
