Can i not drive my cunt home
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
