I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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