my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize