At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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