Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
