I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
