Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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