I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
