Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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