is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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