You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
